Lord, I don't know how to calm down my feelings. Please allow me healthy feelings. Please take away any feelings that are not healthy. Take away my fears and my desires. Allow me your wisdom and just allow me to not freak out when I cannot express how much I want something. I only need you. You complete me. I want to draw into you and your word and not get bogged down by making anything not you my world. When you are my entire world. Please Lord allow me to follow your word and follow your plan for me. I hate being sick. I don't know why you have made me sick. I don't know what I am supposed to learn from this. Other than the fact that I hate it. I feel like an emotional hot mess everyday. I want to be normal. I want to feel like I used to. I want to feel in control of everything going on in my body. The more I try to control or try to understand my body. The more you take it away from me and give me nodules in my knuckles. You draw me near to you and I pull away. You pull me to you and I push away. You break me and still I try to stand on my own. I don't know what more you want from me. I am a broken mess that does not deserve to breathe and yet you have given me eternal life. What do you have for me. I feel so trapped. I feel so confined by my current state. I feel like I am failing as a christian. I feel like no one understands my pain. I wish I did not feel so alone. Lord I am calling out to you. Please take me in your arms. Take me away from this pain. Be my safe harbor. Take me out of this hell hole I call my life. I can't BREATHE... Lord allow me the ability to breathe. Allow me air!! I just want you. Help me to go to you. Help me.... I can't do it on my own.... I CAN"T DO IT!!!! I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T.... WHERE ARE YOU!!!! I NEED YOU!
Matthew 5
Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
Why did he go up the mountainside? What was the purpose? Did it provide him an amphitheater feeling so people could hear him better. Or did he just want to see them better? He wants to see us. He wants us to hear him. Or perhaps he knows how lost little sheep we are and we need to see our shepherd or even though we hear him we will fall into pits unless we can physically see him.
He sat down... even he needs rest. People came to hear him speak. He wants to teach.
The Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
The poor in spirit.... because they are rich in love. The less you have the less you invest in the things of the world and the more you invest in people.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. HE COMFORTS THOSE IN PAIN... why don't I feel like he can hear me. Where is my comfort?
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
5 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled. allow me to be filled up with you. I miss blessed happiness.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. HE COMFORTS THOSE IN PAIN... why don't I feel like he can hear me. Where is my comfort?
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
5 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled. allow me to be filled up with you. I miss blessed happiness.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Lord my affliction does not feel cause because of my faith in you, but of pure and utter malice from the devil. Why have you allowed him to afflict me so. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. If my reward be in heaven than take me now. I would rather live in your presence than here on earth. Here I feel helpless. I feel lost. I feel alone. I don't want to be here where I feel as though I am alone and no one cares of my afflictions. Please take me where I can sit in your presence and enjoy the light of your glory.
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. Have I become saltless... am I useless for your glory. Is that why I have become afflicted.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others,that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Help me to glorify you? How can I serve you? How can I be a light for others. How can I allow your light to shine through me. The second we take our thoughts off ourselves and put it directly all upon you than we can truly be a light because it is by your glory and not our own that we finally learn to shine.
The Fulfillment of the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. You showed us how we cannot fulfill the law, but to save us anyways. Why do you love the unlovely. Why do you choose to pick those that cannot even stand by themselves. If we do it for our own pride than you have gained nothing. IF we show how much we cannot do it without you. Than your glory will truly shine. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. I cannot do it without you... I am broken for you... Please help me.
Murder
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. STOP being critical of others... The more you focus upon the flaws of others you stop focusing on your own flaws which are far worse than those you persecute.
Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Lord help my hands to be pleasing to you... Help my eyes stay focused upon you. I need nothing but your mercy and truth, your grace and your love. Keep me in your ways. For my own only cause me to stumble.
Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Oaths
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;anything beyond this comes from the evil one.[g]
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[i] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Love others... Go above and beyond.... Don't do it because you already should. Don't do it because you think others will like you more. Do it because it pleases him. Lord help me to glorify you with everything I do.
Lord if this man is not the one I am supposed to marry. May he figure it out sooner than later. Lord I am not one to walk away. But if this relationship is not pleasing to you. Please allow me the good mind and the heart to get out before I become enveloped in sin. Lord please help me to live for you and to constantly have my mind upon you and then I will not feel sucked into the thoughts of the sinful man. For though I am nothing. I am a creation of GOD and I have worth because he spoke my name into the book of life and he gave me worth. Please allow me the ability to bring glory to your name and not justify my name, but to bring joy to my life because I have chosen by God to live in the world so that more might come to know him and more may gain eternal life. Who would see your glory by my whines, my complaining. My constant need for the gratification of others. If no one appreciates my life. Than so be it. I only want to live for you.
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