Tomorrow

I leave tomorrow!! I cannot believe it. October 18th a day I thought would take eons to get here will be here in only a few hours... I have oodles of feelings soaring through my body right now and I cannot help but think, I should be sleeping! I feel like a kid the night of Christmas eve, when you should be sleeping, but you're too excited to sleep and all you can think about is the next morning, or in my case the next evening. For my morning will just be packed with flights and last minute freak outs like "Oh no I forgot my tooth brush". Which speaking of, I do hope I remember to put that in after I brush my teeth tomorrow morning. I cannot believe how blessed I truly am. The Lord is so good! Yesterday, I had an amazing turn out at my little going away potluck shindig. I have to admit I was a slight bit amazed at how many people came out and I feel absolutely blessed to have had the beautiful weather and to have been able to see my friends in happy good byes. So, this is it I guess... Good bye to Oregon, and tomorrow night I'll be falling asleep in Montgomery, Alabama. Here I come 80 degree weather!!!

3 weeks and 1 day...

The days have been just flying by and it's nearly time for me to fly away. I'm sitting here on my bed with Dougal just contemplating the fact that in a month I will be in Alabama. Thinking back on how far the Lord has brought me through all of this. In 2009, I finally graduated college. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and on June 26, 2009 I became an official Registered Nurse. At that point in my life I was applying to all the hospitals in Oregon. I was looking up jobs on craigslist. I was googling for nurse internships, and applying to jobs from Alaska, to Florida and all the way to New York. Sadly, no one would hire me. I even tried calling a few nurse placement companies. However, in order to find work I needed to have at least a year to 18 months of experience. Being a new grad I was caught in a bit of a squeeze and not having any experience I couldn't find a job. So, I decided at the end of august if I still was unable to find a job I would do something I never thought I would do I would apply to a military branch. I looked into the Army, the Air Force, the Navy. I kind of wrote the Coast Guard and the Marines right off. Don't know why I did I just did. Over time it came down to the Navy and the Air Force. I heard a lot about the Navy from other people. Just as I heard a lot about the Air Force. I even had a friend who was already on track to go into the Air Force. So, as I continued to look into all the different options I finally called both. The Air Force people that I talked to just struck a cord and the more and more I heard from others all the positives about the Air Force I did it I asked my friend for her recruiter's number and I called. The next thing I know I am making an appointment to meet him and discuss the options and if I want to join. We meet at Starbucks and we talk for about 30 min to an hour. The meeting goes fairly well and I decide that at the end of that meeting I want to begin applying for the Air Force. That day was Wednesday September 16, 2009. Over a year ago. Crazy! At the time I started applying I was aiming to get on the November review board, as things panned out. Especially, things concerning my health of my freshman year of college, there was a bit of hiccup going through all my stuff. So, I didn't make it on the November Review Board. However, I was going to be ready for the January Review Board. I had all my paper work in and it was time to get my physical done. So, in the beginning of November I went to MEPS- Military Entrance Processing Station. I had my vision, hearing and basically my whole body looked over. I also had to pee in a cup, while being watched not my favorite past time. Especially, when you feel you need to make conversation while trying to pee. However, I still passed and made it through I was feeling grand at that point. Thinking I still might be able to make it onto the November board I called my recruiter to ask... Sadly he had moved my date back without telling me. At this point, a little down trodden I went home told my family I passed and waited to hear back. While applying for the Air Force, I still continued to send out my resume probably at least 3 times a week and apply for about 5 new jobs a week. With few calls coming back and even fewer job interviews lined up. I was feeling very depressed and as though I would never get a chance to show what a great nurse I can truly be. With December on the horizon my Nurse interview with a Lt Colonel. We hit it off really well. I remember thinking it was more of just a casual conversation than a true interview. It was in all honesty one of the easiest interviews I have ever had. After my interview, my recruiter took me all over the base in Spokane, WA It was a lot of fun and exciting to think I could be living on one soon. At that point, my desire to get into the Air Force was even greater than it ever had been. All my paperwork was in all my interviews and physicals were over, it came down to the Air Force.... did they want me? Or would they reject me like everyone else had. I was quite used to rejection and not quite sure what to do. I was told not to get my hopes up. I was also told that the earliest I could hope to hear of when I was accepted would be February 6th at the earliest. So, when February 3rd came and I got a call from my recruiter I just thought I had some more paper work I needed to fill out or perhaps it was just a check in to make sure I was doing well. Whatever the reason I was not anticipating a call saying that I had been selected by the Air Force. Over joyed and super excited I started telling everyone that I had been accepted and selected for the Air Force, and the earliest I could leave would be March and the latest I would leave would be October. At that time, the idea of staying till October seemed like eons to wait and it was not something I wanted to contemplate dealing with. Well, the months came and left.... March passed no news of leaving.... April came and the chance of leaving in May was an option. I once again got my hopes up to leave and they were doused with ice cold water when May was over and I was still in Oregon. The option of June was very slim, but the possibility was still there to leave on June 26th. Super excited I decided to visit my Grandma and family down in California. Sadly, the call came and I would not be leaving. July was not even a possibility as it came and left I held out hope for August as it would be the last possible chance to leave before October came. As August came and went I now anticipate October 18, 2010. A D-day in a way for me. A day of intense excitement. A day that brings slight anxiety. A day that brings forth thoughts of failure and ineptitude. As I look back at my trials though small to the rest of the world felt monumental in my life. I now look across the horizon at October and though filled with excitement, anxiety and uneasiness. I feel an overarching sense of purpose and peace that this is what the Lord wants for me. The time is near and the time is coming for me to go. For I no longer count my life dear, because I am to do the will of the Lord. I look upon the day with eagerness and determination that I can and I will succeed.

AIR FORCE: Integrity First, Service Before Self, Excellence in all we do!

No words express my gratitude....

The Lord is absolutely amazing... I guess that is all I really have to say. The way he works in my life. The way he shows himself to me through others when they don't even realize. The fact that I can have such Joy when the world thinks I have nothing to be Joyful about. Lord I just rejoice in you. I finally finished Genesis!!! Absolutely amazing... the funniest part is probably that I could start again in Gen 1 tomorrow and still get more out of it. Lord you truly show yourself in every word. You divinly inspired the bible so that we may be able to read your word and truly see you!
One of my favorite things that my Youth Pastor said when I was in high school was when he illustrated the way we need to keep our eyes focused upon the Lord at all times as an Ostrich has to keep one eye on it's nest at all times, otherwise, it will truly forget where it's nest is. Lord I am that stupid bird. The second I take my eyes off of you I fall and I trip and I start wandering around and you are continue to sit there and wait for me. You are such a patient Lord. I appreciate that so much. I am prone to wander Lord, I am prone to close my eyes. Lord but you are not a baby ostrich egg. You search me out and you find me in my time of greatest need and you meet me there. I am so blessed that you the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, The Alpha and Omega would chose me. However, I guess in a sense I do fit the mold of the weak and the foolish. People can see me and know that I am nothing without you. Lord, I want to not just have one eye upon you at all times, but I want both eyes upon you at all times, for I do not desire to go astray. Keep a spot for me at your feet, Lord. For that is where I desire to be all the days of my life.
Maybe because I am the second child, maybe because I consider myself unworthy, maybe because I feel absolutely nothing without you, but I love that you chose to use Isaac instead of Ishmael, I love that you used Jacob instead of Esau, I love that you chose Joseph over Reuben and you chose Ephraim over Manasseh. Lord you truly are a Lord that uses means other than that of this world. You do not conform to the world, when the world puts investment into the eldest child, and when the world chooses the hairy and masculine man over a smooth decptive heel snatcher brother. Lord, I truly believe that it was not so much the means that just these men were the weak and foolish, but they were men that realized they could do nothing without you. They were men with a heart for you. When their brothers' hearts were not always in the right place you saw that and you knew who would be a better representatives of you Lord. The forefathers of the faith, men not to be worhsiped, because only you are to be worshiped, but men to take notice of, for their faith is what makes them great. As are the men and women of the bible - for we are saved by faith alone, but faith alone is not faith.

Thank you Lord for all that you have given me, most of all Life. I pray that I will use every minute as you have planned it for me. For your will is greater than I can comprehend and everything always works to the benefit of your plan. You never give me more than I can handle and I appreciate that so much.

March 11, 2010

I am a tentdweller in a land that is not my own, in a kingdom that I am not a citizen, for my citizenship is not of this world. You know the more that I try to grasp that concept the more I really feel like I really identify with Abraham and his sons, the men, that the Lord had called in Genesis to be tentdwellers in a world that was not theirs, because their kingdom was not of this world, but their kingdom was in Jesus Christ. I guess right now, the Lord has been greatly working in my life and it has been a blessing to be able to watch the Lord work in my own life as well as those around me. Sometimes it is those people around me that I sometimes understand him better than looking at my own life. Is that weird or what? Probably super crazy sounding. But sometimes when you live your life, you start to think that you are working in yourself changing yourself. You know like working out in gym or go running. I am the one who gets myself up every morning to go run and work out. I am the one putting on the shoes and I am the one lifting the weights, but oh how wrong we are. He is the one who is in us, he is my strength, through him I can do all things, and without him I can do nothing. He is the reason I wake up every morning. For he allows me the ability to wake up and live through the night. You know that may sound morbid, but it's true. He protects us and keeps us safe. When we are in Egypt and the world, he protects and allows us to persevere and prosper. He blesses us and gave us his son. That we might have hope. For he is our King. The King of my Kingdom. He also has given me the ability to build muscle, the ability to pick up the weights. He has given me the ability to run, for my legs, feet and body all work together to move. My body is an intricate miracle that is proof that the Lord is real. However, when I look at myself it never seems quite as visible than when I look at others. When I see someone that is able to run without feet. When I see someone living with cancer, but they continue to wake up smiling. I cannot help but see Jesus in their lives. I hope and I pray that I am a vessel that the Lord can use for others to see Jesus shinning through. For I realize that it is not of myself but it is all him that anything in my life has gone rightly and well. I thank him for the all the blessings in my life, which are far to abundant to even attempt to write in a lifetime. Thank you Lord for the ability to wake up each morning and get to serve you another day. Lord I live my life that when I sing your praise and worship you I will hopefully not blink the word hypocrite in neon lighted letters. Let me be light unto the word that shines to glorify your beloved son Jesus.

March 5, 2010

So, I have that new Switchfoot song stuck in my head right now, the one called Your Love is a Song.... The lyrics go somthing like this"

I hear you breathing in

another day beings

the stars are falling out

my dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Your love is a symphony

all around me

running to me

Your love is a melody

underneath me

running to me

Your love is a song

the dawn is fire bright

against the city lights

The clouds are glowing now

the moon is blacking out

I've been keeping my mind wide open

I've been keeping my mind wide open

Your love is a song

with my eyes wide open

I've got my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my hopes unbroken.

In all honesty, the first time I heard this song, all I heard was the eyes wide open part. But the more I continue to listen to it, since I currently have it on repeat. I feel myself totally understanding something that I didn't think of before, the day is just starting out, and the Lord is there meeting us. In the Bible, it talks so much of when the people would wake early in the morning to mee the Lord and prepare their hearts for the day. I love this idea, however, I constantly find myself wanting to sleep in and to just sleep away the day. There is something about sleep that just is intoxicating in the fact that I could go days without leaving my bed, infact I may have done that before. Granted I was probably sick at the time, but we miss out on the gorgeous sunrise, when we waste away the day by sleeping in. There is something about the way the light of the sun shines over the mountain tops in the distance fills this dark world with so much light that I find myself just awestruck. I used to like sunsets better, perhaps it was mostly due to the fact that we live on the west coast and I could sit on the beach and just watch the sun fade out over the water. When I think about the sunset it feels like a promise from the Lord though, even though the light is currently going out presently, there is a promise in those gorgeous reds, purples, oranges, and pinks that the sun will rise again. He answers that promise each morning with a melody of color that accentuates the perfectness of the still morning. I think I used to be drawn more to the just sheer beauty of the sunset/rises, because what an awesome God we have that he can make such perfect colors to illuminate the world with his light. My favorite line in that whole song is the last one, I've been keeping my hopes unbroken. I have the hope of heaven and no one can take that away. If my life ended up like Job's life, that would be ok with me, for to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. In fact there are some days I think being dead would be preferable, because then I would be able to sit at the feet of the Lord, instead of living in this sinful world. But I am completely blessed that I still get to do his work. Lord may you work in my life, because you use the weak and foolish- that category I know I definately fit in!

I love that I know I am invincible unto you are done with me, Lord. Thank you Lord for this day that I made it to watch another sunset. See you in the sunrise tomorrow!

March 4, 2010

Today was my grandpa's birthday!! I look up to my grandpa so much. I think in most of my family him and I are super alike. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I thank the Lord for everyday that I get to spend with him. He is such an amazing man. He's totally a lover of Jesus and such a good example of what a Christian should be. He is so slow to anger, maybe that is because I am his granddaughter and there is not much I could do to anger him. He is such a patient man, and so loving and willing to be there for you, whenever you need him, he's right there for ya. Just give him a hollar and he'll come a running, well maybe not so much running, but come walking with a polished and perfected swagger that is even more accentuated by his recent knee replacement. Yay for Grandpas!

Well, it's been an interesting travel in life lately, I totally feel the Lord calling me to be a Peacemaker, a person that does not rebuke when others attack them. I'm not saying that I think he wants me to be a doormat. I am saying that I need to be more Christlike a person that is not easily angered or quick to defend myself. If you look at the life of Christ, when he was accused and put to trial, an unfair trial might I add, he could have totally put them all in their place and argued that he was innocent. For here he was a man completely innocent of any sin and being accused and hung up on a cross with theives. Yet he took it. He didn't rebuke them, he just delt with it and in return he saved us all from death. He died that we might live. He was born to die and he rose again. The more I try to grasp that concept the more my mind just feels completely baffeled. It's amazing how great his love was for us. A people that still continue to ignore his existence. Quite sad on many occasions when you try to grasp it from the human mind, but he loves us unconditionally, it's just so unfathomable that a man that great would love someone as lowly as me the cheifest of sinners. Thank you Lord for my challenge, I look forward to trying to work at it, but best of all I know you will be with me always to be my strength. Thank you Lord for you love and for your grace.

March 2, 2010

It's kind of crazy, when you think about life in the bigger picture the thought that this world is just a temporary place, where we will stay till we go home to be with the one that has prepared a home for us, far better than we could have ever imagined. When you think of life in the terms as a place of passing. Aplace where we get to serve God, while we wait to go back home. It feels almost like a summer mission, of building homes and planting seeds till we return home, where we will get to live forever. There is no better thing than going home. It's an awesome thought I think. I can only imagine what he may have in store for me. I know he has a plan for my life here on Earth before I rejoin him in Heaven. Thus, I just have to trust in the Lord and not upon my own understanding that his plan for me is far better than I could have ever imagined. These past few weeks have been amazing. Tonight was the last night of Judy's study, which feels so bitter sweet, because I have enjoyed it so much. It has been such a blessing to be able to go and get into God's word and to apply it to my life. I have definately felt the conviction from the Holy Spirit in my life on some of the terms that Judy talked about such as sleeping more... haha. (Still working on it). I think what I will miss the most will be the driving to and from the study. For it was during that time that I was able to talk so candidly with my Mom. I know that the drive there might not have always been as God focused as it could have been. However, I know that our conversations on the drive home, discussing the teaching opened up doors into my Mom's personality and life that I had seen, but never really dove into. I am definately going to miss those post bible study chats. I thank the Lord so much for the time that he gave me to spend time with my Mom in fellowship.

I started this blog as a way to try to get into a habit of writing about life and perhaps a few feelings as well as what God is showing me in my life, in hopes that I can continue it after I have left to go into the Air Force. I know it's only the second day, but when I sat down and stared at my computer I had absolutely no idea what to write or if I had anything to say. However, I as I started to type the words just seemed to flow out and I am finding that this process is quite cathartic. Amazing how God works in your life, and puts his plans before you and when you follow them you are so blessed. Thank you Lord for this day.
Peace be with you.

March 1, 2010

Well, it's been nearly a month since I found out that I got selected to become an officer in the Air Force, kind of crazy thought, but the more time that goes by, the more I think I'm ready and really wanting to leave already. Although, my COT date isn't set till October, I'm really praying that I get to leave before then. Hoping for May. The funny thing is now that I've found out that I'm selected, I have become so anxious to leave and to get my career as a nurse started. The more I think about it, the more I am really excited to go into the Air Force. I know that if anyone had asked me after I graduated high school if I wanted to go into any branch of the military I probably would had laughed or scoffed at the idea. But the more I think about it, it really does meet all the criteria I had hoped to find in a job. I really want a job that I can travel in, that is why forever, I thought I wanted to do travel nursing. It was a way to get into the nursing field, get housing and a small amount for money. Travel nursing was also another job that would help me save up and pay back money to my loans faster than a regular job. What I really hope to do someday is to go into the mission field. Maybe go on to the Mercy Corps ships. Lord willing, I hope some day I do get to do that. For now, I'm super excited that the Air Force is going to help me back back my loans, and get a ton of experience that I never would get from any normal hospital. Not to mention the options of what type of nursing I can do once I am. I think I really want to do Critical Care nursing, however, I know once I get started any sort of nursing is going to be a blast than what I'm doing now just working at the movie theater. Well, I guess all that is left to do now, is continue to get in shape and get ready to go into the Air Force. Wish me luck.