March 11, 2010

I am a tentdweller in a land that is not my own, in a kingdom that I am not a citizen, for my citizenship is not of this world. You know the more that I try to grasp that concept the more I really feel like I really identify with Abraham and his sons, the men, that the Lord had called in Genesis to be tentdwellers in a world that was not theirs, because their kingdom was not of this world, but their kingdom was in Jesus Christ. I guess right now, the Lord has been greatly working in my life and it has been a blessing to be able to watch the Lord work in my own life as well as those around me. Sometimes it is those people around me that I sometimes understand him better than looking at my own life. Is that weird or what? Probably super crazy sounding. But sometimes when you live your life, you start to think that you are working in yourself changing yourself. You know like working out in gym or go running. I am the one who gets myself up every morning to go run and work out. I am the one putting on the shoes and I am the one lifting the weights, but oh how wrong we are. He is the one who is in us, he is my strength, through him I can do all things, and without him I can do nothing. He is the reason I wake up every morning. For he allows me the ability to wake up and live through the night. You know that may sound morbid, but it's true. He protects us and keeps us safe. When we are in Egypt and the world, he protects and allows us to persevere and prosper. He blesses us and gave us his son. That we might have hope. For he is our King. The King of my Kingdom. He also has given me the ability to build muscle, the ability to pick up the weights. He has given me the ability to run, for my legs, feet and body all work together to move. My body is an intricate miracle that is proof that the Lord is real. However, when I look at myself it never seems quite as visible than when I look at others. When I see someone that is able to run without feet. When I see someone living with cancer, but they continue to wake up smiling. I cannot help but see Jesus in their lives. I hope and I pray that I am a vessel that the Lord can use for others to see Jesus shinning through. For I realize that it is not of myself but it is all him that anything in my life has gone rightly and well. I thank him for the all the blessings in my life, which are far to abundant to even attempt to write in a lifetime. Thank you Lord for the ability to wake up each morning and get to serve you another day. Lord I live my life that when I sing your praise and worship you I will hopefully not blink the word hypocrite in neon lighted letters. Let me be light unto the word that shines to glorify your beloved son Jesus.

March 5, 2010

So, I have that new Switchfoot song stuck in my head right now, the one called Your Love is a Song.... The lyrics go somthing like this"

I hear you breathing in

another day beings

the stars are falling out

my dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Your love is a symphony

all around me

running to me

Your love is a melody

underneath me

running to me

Your love is a song

the dawn is fire bright

against the city lights

The clouds are glowing now

the moon is blacking out

I've been keeping my mind wide open

I've been keeping my mind wide open

Your love is a song

with my eyes wide open

I've got my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my hopes unbroken.

In all honesty, the first time I heard this song, all I heard was the eyes wide open part. But the more I continue to listen to it, since I currently have it on repeat. I feel myself totally understanding something that I didn't think of before, the day is just starting out, and the Lord is there meeting us. In the Bible, it talks so much of when the people would wake early in the morning to mee the Lord and prepare their hearts for the day. I love this idea, however, I constantly find myself wanting to sleep in and to just sleep away the day. There is something about sleep that just is intoxicating in the fact that I could go days without leaving my bed, infact I may have done that before. Granted I was probably sick at the time, but we miss out on the gorgeous sunrise, when we waste away the day by sleeping in. There is something about the way the light of the sun shines over the mountain tops in the distance fills this dark world with so much light that I find myself just awestruck. I used to like sunsets better, perhaps it was mostly due to the fact that we live on the west coast and I could sit on the beach and just watch the sun fade out over the water. When I think about the sunset it feels like a promise from the Lord though, even though the light is currently going out presently, there is a promise in those gorgeous reds, purples, oranges, and pinks that the sun will rise again. He answers that promise each morning with a melody of color that accentuates the perfectness of the still morning. I think I used to be drawn more to the just sheer beauty of the sunset/rises, because what an awesome God we have that he can make such perfect colors to illuminate the world with his light. My favorite line in that whole song is the last one, I've been keeping my hopes unbroken. I have the hope of heaven and no one can take that away. If my life ended up like Job's life, that would be ok with me, for to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. In fact there are some days I think being dead would be preferable, because then I would be able to sit at the feet of the Lord, instead of living in this sinful world. But I am completely blessed that I still get to do his work. Lord may you work in my life, because you use the weak and foolish- that category I know I definately fit in!

I love that I know I am invincible unto you are done with me, Lord. Thank you Lord for this day that I made it to watch another sunset. See you in the sunrise tomorrow!

March 4, 2010

Today was my grandpa's birthday!! I look up to my grandpa so much. I think in most of my family him and I are super alike. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I thank the Lord for everyday that I get to spend with him. He is such an amazing man. He's totally a lover of Jesus and such a good example of what a Christian should be. He is so slow to anger, maybe that is because I am his granddaughter and there is not much I could do to anger him. He is such a patient man, and so loving and willing to be there for you, whenever you need him, he's right there for ya. Just give him a hollar and he'll come a running, well maybe not so much running, but come walking with a polished and perfected swagger that is even more accentuated by his recent knee replacement. Yay for Grandpas!

Well, it's been an interesting travel in life lately, I totally feel the Lord calling me to be a Peacemaker, a person that does not rebuke when others attack them. I'm not saying that I think he wants me to be a doormat. I am saying that I need to be more Christlike a person that is not easily angered or quick to defend myself. If you look at the life of Christ, when he was accused and put to trial, an unfair trial might I add, he could have totally put them all in their place and argued that he was innocent. For here he was a man completely innocent of any sin and being accused and hung up on a cross with theives. Yet he took it. He didn't rebuke them, he just delt with it and in return he saved us all from death. He died that we might live. He was born to die and he rose again. The more I try to grasp that concept the more my mind just feels completely baffeled. It's amazing how great his love was for us. A people that still continue to ignore his existence. Quite sad on many occasions when you try to grasp it from the human mind, but he loves us unconditionally, it's just so unfathomable that a man that great would love someone as lowly as me the cheifest of sinners. Thank you Lord for my challenge, I look forward to trying to work at it, but best of all I know you will be with me always to be my strength. Thank you Lord for you love and for your grace.

March 2, 2010

It's kind of crazy, when you think about life in the bigger picture the thought that this world is just a temporary place, where we will stay till we go home to be with the one that has prepared a home for us, far better than we could have ever imagined. When you think of life in the terms as a place of passing. Aplace where we get to serve God, while we wait to go back home. It feels almost like a summer mission, of building homes and planting seeds till we return home, where we will get to live forever. There is no better thing than going home. It's an awesome thought I think. I can only imagine what he may have in store for me. I know he has a plan for my life here on Earth before I rejoin him in Heaven. Thus, I just have to trust in the Lord and not upon my own understanding that his plan for me is far better than I could have ever imagined. These past few weeks have been amazing. Tonight was the last night of Judy's study, which feels so bitter sweet, because I have enjoyed it so much. It has been such a blessing to be able to go and get into God's word and to apply it to my life. I have definately felt the conviction from the Holy Spirit in my life on some of the terms that Judy talked about such as sleeping more... haha. (Still working on it). I think what I will miss the most will be the driving to and from the study. For it was during that time that I was able to talk so candidly with my Mom. I know that the drive there might not have always been as God focused as it could have been. However, I know that our conversations on the drive home, discussing the teaching opened up doors into my Mom's personality and life that I had seen, but never really dove into. I am definately going to miss those post bible study chats. I thank the Lord so much for the time that he gave me to spend time with my Mom in fellowship.

I started this blog as a way to try to get into a habit of writing about life and perhaps a few feelings as well as what God is showing me in my life, in hopes that I can continue it after I have left to go into the Air Force. I know it's only the second day, but when I sat down and stared at my computer I had absolutely no idea what to write or if I had anything to say. However, I as I started to type the words just seemed to flow out and I am finding that this process is quite cathartic. Amazing how God works in your life, and puts his plans before you and when you follow them you are so blessed. Thank you Lord for this day.
Peace be with you.

March 1, 2010

Well, it's been nearly a month since I found out that I got selected to become an officer in the Air Force, kind of crazy thought, but the more time that goes by, the more I think I'm ready and really wanting to leave already. Although, my COT date isn't set till October, I'm really praying that I get to leave before then. Hoping for May. The funny thing is now that I've found out that I'm selected, I have become so anxious to leave and to get my career as a nurse started. The more I think about it, the more I am really excited to go into the Air Force. I know that if anyone had asked me after I graduated high school if I wanted to go into any branch of the military I probably would had laughed or scoffed at the idea. But the more I think about it, it really does meet all the criteria I had hoped to find in a job. I really want a job that I can travel in, that is why forever, I thought I wanted to do travel nursing. It was a way to get into the nursing field, get housing and a small amount for money. Travel nursing was also another job that would help me save up and pay back money to my loans faster than a regular job. What I really hope to do someday is to go into the mission field. Maybe go on to the Mercy Corps ships. Lord willing, I hope some day I do get to do that. For now, I'm super excited that the Air Force is going to help me back back my loans, and get a ton of experience that I never would get from any normal hospital. Not to mention the options of what type of nursing I can do once I am. I think I really want to do Critical Care nursing, however, I know once I get started any sort of nursing is going to be a blast than what I'm doing now just working at the movie theater. Well, I guess all that is left to do now, is continue to get in shape and get ready to go into the Air Force. Wish me luck.