Thirty two....

So today was weigh in day... lost another pound... down 3... woohoo!! So exciting. Today I was charge again, it's getting a little less chaotic and more enjoyable. However, there always seems to be the awkward transition from switching from one nurse to the other being charge. I never quite know how to make it smoother... one day it'll happen. Well, more blessings, the youth pastor at Wayside e-mailed me back so hopefully, we can meet up and see if I'm a good fit to start helping out in the youth ministry. I know I am young, but I really feel the Lords strong but gentle hand tugging on me to get plugged in. I also am going to try going to some of the connection dinners that they have at church. So, hoping to meet more people that way. Yay!

What I ate... breakfast coffee and eggs, turkey burger, salad, coffee, granola and berries for dessert.

What I read... Genesis 32.

Well, the last we saw Jacob he had left his Uncle Laban and was now on his way back home. Well, the last time he was home Esau threatened to kill him... so I can understand his hesistation coming home... So in hopes to win Esau's favor he sends ahead tons of cattle, sheep and goats as gifts to his brother in hopes to win favor that he will not kill him. Well, instead of ending the chapter with Jacob trembling in his sleep before meeting his brother again... He ends up wrestling with God.

²² That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. ²³ After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. ²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

²⁹ Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

How often do I get in my bed and ponder the things of the past day or of things to come.... Why do I not just give them up to the Lord, why do I hold on to it and struggle with it all night long. I sometimes just need to learn to give up to the Lord and leave it with him, for he knows the plans he has for me, he knows what will be beneficial in my life and what struggles I need to go through to come around to him. I think it is interesting that Jacob seemed to know that it was God too. He knew that he was struggling with him and begged him for a blessing. He also got a new name, Israel. Did Jacob know that his name would later represent the flesh and his God given name would soon become a nation. How crazy to go into a fight thinking your one person and to come out with a new name and a blessing. I wonder what he said in the blessing for it shut up Jacob and he stopped pestering him about his name. Did he tell him to stop fearing his brother, did he tell him that he would later be the father to a nation that would be God's chosen people. I wonder why we are not told as readers of his life. I wonder if it was humbling as when I struggle with God and he reveals himself in his word and I realize what a numbchuck I have been to think that I knew what was best. I wonder what went through his mind as he struggled. Perhaps it is best that we do not know, for we can relate to struggling with God, however, what God has to say to us is catered and cut out perfectly to touch our own hearts where we are right at the time we need to hear it. I know he speaks to me through these chapters I've been reading and sometimes I can express it in words to you and sometimes it is only meant for my heart to hear. May the Lord bless you with what he teaches you today.

God Bless!