I just need prayer

Please Pray ...

There are just some things that have been weighing very heavily on my lately. I don't know quite to vocalize them... so maybe I can just express them in words as I just plan to type and let my fingers find the words to say. I feel so great some days... however, there are some things that have been greatly bothering me that I just push to the back of my mind and choose not to deal with. So, I am going to open up and get it all out there. I miss my grandma, and I am so happy that she is in a place where the Lord has her and that he can watch over her and take care of her. However, I'm about to jump subjects so just try to stay with me if you can. I recently took on a challenge of loving kindness, which I've felt to be very difficult but at the same time a welcome challenge. After taking on this challenge it was not long till I realized I had been harboring bitterness in my life, towards some of my family, not any of my immediate family, but more around the time that my grandma passed. Some things were said and some anger was made. However, 2 Saturdays ago now, I called my Aunt, of which the bad words were spoken. I love her and I miss talking to her. I called and I apologized and I just wanted to tell her that I love her and was thinking about her. I was trying to be nonchalant with the message as I did not want more angry words uttered. However, it was not until this past Sunday, when they discussed rejection, did I realize just how much I wanted her to call me back and for all of that anger and bitterness to just disappear. I know that she is busy with her own family and still dealing with the death of her own mother. It's just that in case she reads this... I want her to know that I love her and that she means so much to me and I don't feel quite ready to let the relationship go. Before I was just angry and mad and upset at the pain and frustration that had gone on between my family and for my father especially. Now, I think I've finally come around to acceptance and I miss the relationship that was once there. I don't know that kind of prayer I need. I don't know what to say or if there is more to say. But that I love my family and they mean far more to me than to just give up on them. I appreciate every word that she wrote to me in a book that my mom made for me to refer to when I'm missing home and reading those words, makes it even more clear to me that I want her back in my life. So, I guess the prayer is not for me, but for her. I pray that she is doing well that the Lord is comforting her in her time of sadness and hurt and giver her strength and joy. Amen