Thirty two....

So today was weigh in day... lost another pound... down 3... woohoo!! So exciting. Today I was charge again, it's getting a little less chaotic and more enjoyable. However, there always seems to be the awkward transition from switching from one nurse to the other being charge. I never quite know how to make it smoother... one day it'll happen. Well, more blessings, the youth pastor at Wayside e-mailed me back so hopefully, we can meet up and see if I'm a good fit to start helping out in the youth ministry. I know I am young, but I really feel the Lords strong but gentle hand tugging on me to get plugged in. I also am going to try going to some of the connection dinners that they have at church. So, hoping to meet more people that way. Yay!

What I ate... breakfast coffee and eggs, turkey burger, salad, coffee, granola and berries for dessert.

What I read... Genesis 32.

Well, the last we saw Jacob he had left his Uncle Laban and was now on his way back home. Well, the last time he was home Esau threatened to kill him... so I can understand his hesistation coming home... So in hopes to win Esau's favor he sends ahead tons of cattle, sheep and goats as gifts to his brother in hopes to win favor that he will not kill him. Well, instead of ending the chapter with Jacob trembling in his sleep before meeting his brother again... He ends up wrestling with God.

²² That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. ²³ After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. ²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

²⁹ Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

How often do I get in my bed and ponder the things of the past day or of things to come.... Why do I not just give them up to the Lord, why do I hold on to it and struggle with it all night long. I sometimes just need to learn to give up to the Lord and leave it with him, for he knows the plans he has for me, he knows what will be beneficial in my life and what struggles I need to go through to come around to him. I think it is interesting that Jacob seemed to know that it was God too. He knew that he was struggling with him and begged him for a blessing. He also got a new name, Israel. Did Jacob know that his name would later represent the flesh and his God given name would soon become a nation. How crazy to go into a fight thinking your one person and to come out with a new name and a blessing. I wonder what he said in the blessing for it shut up Jacob and he stopped pestering him about his name. Did he tell him to stop fearing his brother, did he tell him that he would later be the father to a nation that would be God's chosen people. I wonder why we are not told as readers of his life. I wonder if it was humbling as when I struggle with God and he reveals himself in his word and I realize what a numbchuck I have been to think that I knew what was best. I wonder what went through his mind as he struggled. Perhaps it is best that we do not know, for we can relate to struggling with God, however, what God has to say to us is catered and cut out perfectly to touch our own hearts where we are right at the time we need to hear it. I know he speaks to me through these chapters I've been reading and sometimes I can express it in words to you and sometimes it is only meant for my heart to hear. May the Lord bless you with what he teaches you today.

God Bless!

Thirty-one!!

So...back to the grind at work, I was charge nurse again, I did alright near the end, but we got hit hard when I first took over, overall a good day. I got an email from church and connection dinners will be starting soon... I am greatly looking forward to getting to know more people. I also finally went and e-mailed the youth pastor about helping out with the high schoolers. I am super excited about meeting him and his wife and seeing if there is a place for me to help out. Lord willing that all these gentle nudges I have been feeling towards the youth group is of him and not of me. Please pray that it goes well and that there might be a place for me to help out.

What I ate... banana and peanut butter, coffee and 2 ginger snaps, salad, coffee with 2 crackers, banana and peanut butter and for dessert granola and berries.

What I read... Genesis 31

Oh the heart of Laban, so Laban does not want Jacob to go because the Lord has blessed Laban because of Jacob, and when the Lord tells Jacob to take all the speckled livestock and run with his wives, for fear of Laban coming to kill him, because his sons were murmuring about Jacob and now Laban's fickle heart was changing towards Jacob as well, so after Jacob flees with his livestock and his family, he is overtaken by Laban after 7 days....

²² On the third day Laban was told that Jacob had fled. ²³ Taking his relatives with him, he pursued Jacob for seven days and caught up with him in the hill country of Gilead. ²⁴ Then God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night and said to him, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.”

²⁵ Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. ²⁶ Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You’ve deceived me, and you’ve carried off my daughters like captives in war. ²⁷ Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn’t you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of timbrels and harps? ²⁸ You didn’t even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters goodbye. You have done a foolish thing. ²⁹ I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, ‘Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ ³⁰ Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father’s household. But why did you steal my gods?”

So, Jacob was smart enough to know that Laban was not after him just because he wanted to say Goodbye and if Jacob had waited till Laban was ready to say goodbye he might never have left. It was the urging of the Lord that got him out of there. Then the Lord appears to Laban and tells him not to harm to saying anything against Jacob, however, Laban states that the only reason he has come after Jacob is because he took his gods. Now I am not really going to get into the fact that Rachel was the one that stole them, and Jacob says whoever has stolen will be put to death, but I will rag upon Laban this time, for the fact that he has come after little figurines that do not speak to you in the night, they do not deliver messages in dreams, they do not call fire down from above, they do not give blessings or deliver promises and yet Laban wanted them bad enough to use that as a reason to overtake Jacob. Now Jacob's God came to Laban the very night before, yet Laban was blind enough to not believe or have faith in Jacob's God. I wonder if we'll see uncle Laban in heaven. Or is uncle Laban still off worshiping his little figurines.

We do it too nowadays, with our cars, or our houses, our belongings, our TV's our computers, things that cannot do anything for us. They cannot bless us, they cannot give us eternal life, they cannot call fire down from heaven and they would never have been made if the one that first made us had not given someone the inspiration and ideas to come up with them... I cannot help but wonder sometimes... what idols, or gods am I putting before the one true God... how many things in my possession do I think I cannot live without? If everything I ever owned was suddenly burned, destroyed or vanished... I would still be able to live. I have friends that would help put me up. I would learn to live without, because I would still have my life. Now I don't want the Lord to take that as an invitation for an apartment fire. However, I do give praise and honor to God for all of the amazing things that he has allowed into my life. I am so blessed to have a roof over my head, a job, a car to get to my job, food to eat, a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear. I hope I never become a person that just wants and wants and wants. I think I've always had a desire to do with the bare minimum and maybe a little bit extra... even though, the Lord has blessed me with far more than I deserve. I guess tonight from this passage I can really truly see how blessed I am for how much I have. Thank you Lord.

Good Night and God Bless!

Day Thirty!!

So, I have made it a month... Yay!!

Today was a joyous day of sleeping in and going swimming, laying out by the pool and going running with a friend.

What I ate... greek scramble, banana and peanut butter, salad, banana and peanut butter (banana's going bad again :(...) salad for dinner

What I read.... Genesis 30

So at the beginning of the chapter we have a sibling rivalry between Leah and Rachel and Bilhah(Rachel's maid servant) on who can have the most children. One thing I thought was interesting, because when Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to have children, Hagar began to disrespect Sarah, however, when Bilhah was given the Jacob to have children for Rachel, she seemed to do it quite willingly and maintained her maidservant status. Just an interesting side note. Perhaps Bilhah had a servant's heart as we should and did as she was told and still respected her mistress. I know most people could read this whole chapter and probably not glean that at all. However, I seemed to have gotten stuck upon it. Considering that we are to be as bond servants to the Lord. We are not paid, for what we do and we are not enslaved, but we do it willingly. We chose to serve, perhaps we too should have the same servant's heart that Bilhah had. What an amazing woman to be, to bear children for your mistress, and to not really truly be able to call them your own. For Rachel considers all of Bilhah's children her own that is until she has Joseph. What an amazing thing. Like women who carry another woman's baby... So crazy the thought to me, to carry a baby for 9 months, to get to know that baby to love them to carry them with you and then once they are born to give to someone else to raise. Like women who put their children up for adoption... I don't know if I could ever do that. I know most women do it because they knew their babies would be better cared for in a home that could take care of them, yet still it is so sad the children that never get to know their real mom's. What did Dan, Nephtali must have called Rachel or Bilhah? mom or step mom or woman or maidservant. Who truly knows.... but still the heart of Bilhah is truly outstanding to me... Granted Zilpah was used as well. However, it is Bilhah that I find really remarkable, because at that time Rachel had no children. It is just amazing the things that occurred in Bible times. Like polygamy, concubines, a harem. Today we laugh at Hugh Hefner, but how similar his life must have been to some of these men and most of all no one thought otherwise, or hey this is weird and wrong.... Didn't they eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Well, when is it planning to kick in? I guess it just comes back to man's inability to live without sin in their lives. Man's fleshly tendencies that obscure the truth and good. I guess most of all I just want you to see Bilhah as the amazing outstanding woman that I see her as, not deceptive, not vindictive, just willing to do whatever Rachel tells her and to do it willingly... just as well should be willing to do the work of the Lord, no questions asked and with a servants heart.

Good Night and God Bless!